Hold on, that's...no, wait, that.... That can't be right.

I don't suppose anyone's heard from a man called Harold Saxon, or a small girl called Yotsuba? No, I don't suppose you have. I'm not picking up a thing from either frequency.

Right. Well. He's actually gone, then. Sent home when there's no home to go to. When there's no life to return to. You can't just....

Yes. Gone, and quite right, too. It was dangerous and rather ill-advised to bring him here in the first place. Everyone's better off, really. Much better off.

[An extremely long pause. One might even assume that he's turned off the communicator.]

...So, good people of Discedo, what have I missed? Nothing but more murder, I suppose? It's like living in an Agatha Christie thriller, this place. Oh! That's who you Scientists ought to really bring here next – Agatha Christie! She's brilliant. Don't you think she's brilliant? She could navigate her way right through all these murders and mysteries with nothing but a magnifying glass and a clever turn of phrase – she'd fit right in. Wouldn't be fazed by a bit of this.

Except. Well. You shouldn't actually bring her here, as that would wreak all sorts of havoc with her personal timeline, and you wouldn't want to deprive the Earth of any of her magnificent books. That wouldn't be fair. Although I take it you're not terribly concerned with what's fair.

[strikes = deleted, difficult to hack]

Great big universe – well, universes, rather, in the plural – brimming with life, filled with a plethora of stars, and even then, you chose theirs.

Very "second star to the right and straight on 'til morning," isn't it? Surely you've got those directions memorized by now. Third planet to the right – or left, depending on which side of the solar system you're standing. Not that one can physically stand in space, but, well. I managed it the once, but those gravitomagnetic pods very directly ripped off the soles of my shoes, which makes the idea of trying it again somewhat less appealing.

Wasn't merely a whim, plucking them off that star and bringing them here. I think it's very unlikely that your selection process is even a bit random. Out of all of creation, out of the trillions of worlds and species out there, you keep choosing that planet. You chose two little humans.

Who happen to know one another. Who happen to, most conveniently, know me. No chance of any of that being a coincidence.

Well, virtually none. The odds are a billion to one. Or, say, a trillion to zero point five. Some suitably high number to some suitably low number. So it isn't worth taking into account, really.

So, then, how are you settling in, Rose? Jack?

And all you other lovely people that I've been meeting here. How are you faring?

You lot certainly know how to throw a diverting New Year's party, don't you? It wasn't quite on the scale of, say, fireworks above the London Eye, but it was extremely...well...diverting. Didn't expect to see her, so I suppose it was actually more than just run-of-the-mill diverting. Diverting with...the element of surprise thrown in, perhaps.

( [Private // Difficult to hack] )

And Christmas was equally as diverting, come to think of it! I mean, Christmas crackers? Here? Brilliant. The jokes were alarmingly bad, as always. Frighteningly bad. I think it's charming that this place feels the need to borrow so many things from Earth, really.

As for the rather unique choice of gift - I suppose the powers-that-be didn't borrow that particular gift idea from Earth. I've certainly never seen a fish so...formless. It isn't meant for eating, though. Er. Is it? It couldn't be. I couldn't possibly eat such a distinctive – not to mention innocent - life form.

It's almost rather beautiful, in a...blob-like...sort of way. Did everyone receive one of those, then? Not the most practical gift, to be quite frank.

Well. This is a rather Christmasy sort of place, isn't it? Are there always little sprigs of mistletoe and various decorations strewn about, or are we actually in the midst of the Christmas season? I'm rather…chronologically displaced at the moment – yes, that's quite a good way to put it. I quite like that phrase, chronologically displaced! I ought to use it more often, really, seeing as that sort of thing happens to me from time to time. Well. All the time.

So! If someone could tell me what time of the year it is on this planet - and if all the seasons mimic Earth, that sort of thing - that would be brilliant.

And I've been…informed that this isn't my first visit here. I'm afraid I don't remember it, or any of you, for that matter. That's perfectly normal for me, though, as things don't tend to happen to me in quite the right order, as I've been trying to explain.

But it wouldn't hurt for those of you who, well, know me, to introduce yourselves all over again, because. Er. I like to try to lessen the frequency of those potential awkward moments when people start chatting away at me and I have no idea who they are. Never quite works, of course, but I still like to try.

( [Private// Difficult to hack] )

Comments, crit, suggestions, questions, plottage, and anything else of that sort goes here. I haven't been playing this character for terribly long, so if I'm doing something right, that's wonderful, and if I'm doing something wrong, I'll do my very best to fix it.

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